I’ve never been one to hide my feelings or shy away from what is going on my life. I think there are so many other people that could benefit from knowing they aren’t alone and share in the same situations that it’s important to stay true to yourself and others. That’s why I’m writing this post.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I’ve had several set backs over the years. I had a miscarriage that was very difficult for me, I found out I suffer from Celiac disease, I went through tremendous hurdles to get my business up and running and I left my full time job to follow my dreams. There have been other things that went on of course over the past few years but these are the notable major events.
For the last few weeks, I’ve found myself watching more television, sleeping more and generally being more irritable and cranky than usual. My level of excitement and enthusiasm was down and I’ve been struggling with staying on track or focusing on goals. It was when I told my husband I was sick of talking about Bexa that I knew something was wrong. I found myself going up there less and struggling to get motivated.
That’s when I realized I’m suffering from depression and anxiety.
I found a therapist and started going last week. Just in two sessions I already feel better and more up lifted. Heck, I’m even writing this post which is a great sign. Sometimes I think because I spent 7 years in the social services world and around counseling all the time that I’m immune to needing their services.
Depression comes in many forms. As a society, we are prone to thinking depression comes in the form of locking ourselves in a dark room, under our blankets and not coming out for weeks. Or in the lovely commercials for pharmaceuticals, we are restlessly staring out into the rainy weather wishing we could just gather our spirits to enjoy the day. Believe it or not, you can be depressed and still live a functioning life. The symptoms are so different for people, you have to know and understand your own behaviors in order to recognize the signs. For me, I needed a 3rd person professional for me to understand I’m not crazy and these are normal feelings I’m having for the circumstances right now in my life.
WebMD is a great place for resources on finding our more information on how you are feeling and when to seek help. Check out what they said below regarding Anxiety and Depression.
Symptoms vary depending on the type of anxiety disorder, but general symptoms include:
- Feelings of panic, fear, and uneasiness
- Uncontrollable, obsessive thoughts
- Repeated thoughts or flashbacks of traumatic experiences
- Ritualistic behaviors, such as repeated hand washing
- Problems sleeping
- Cold or sweaty hands and/or feet
- Shortness of breath
- An inability to be still and calm
- Dry mouth
- Numbness or tingling in the hands or feet
- Muscle tension
While I don’t have all of these, I have enough of them to then turn around and cause me to have depressive symptoms as well.
Depression shows itself differently in different people. Common depression symptoms are:
- Depressed mood, sadness, or an “empty” feeling, or appearing sad or tearful to others
- Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you once enjoyed
- Significant weight loss when not dieting, or significant weight gain (for example, more than 5% of body weight in a month)
- Inability to sleep or excessive sleeping
- Restlessness or irritation (irritable mood may be a symptom in children or adolescents too), or feelings of “dragging”
- Fatigue or loss of energy
- Feelings of worthlessness, or excessive or inappropriate guilt
- Difficulty thinking or concentrating, or indecisiveness
- Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or specific plan for committing suicide
Depression Treatment: When Should You Get Help?
If you have five or more of these symptoms for most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks, and the symptoms are severe enough to interfere with your daily activities, you may have major depression. It’s important to speak to your doctor about treatments to start helping you feel better.
Thanks WebMD – Back to me…
My depression and anxiety come in the form of agitation and frustration along with repression and denial. In therapy, I learned that frustration is just a nicer word to use to mask your true feelings. And this is completely true. So while I do have some of the symptoms listed above, I also have my own personal symptoms that are unique to me. The only way I would have known this is by going to a therapist.
Part of my issues revolve around being my own boss. I honestly don’t think I am living up to my own expectations and it’s frustrating for me. I’ve gained a little bit of weight and am really struggling to get back on track. I know, I know. I still look great is what you will all say but you have to remember that perception is reality and I perceive myself as out of shape and not where I want to be. I’m not as strong or fit as I used to be, I struggle with having Celiac and honestly I’m angry about having Celiac. 2 therapy sessions and we’ve narrowed it down partly the business and compounded by my complete and utter anger in having Celiac and how it affects my life.
I think I’m different in the sense that I’m still optimistic and working towards my goals. I don’t feel hopeless. I don’t feel like a failure. I don’t feel discouraged about the future. I’m just sad right now and am working to get out of this funk. I’ve decided against medications because I want to deal with this the right way and fight through instead of masking the symptoms with pharmaceuticals. While I understand some people believe in them, they just aren’t’ for me at this time. Please understand I am not saying people don’t need them or use them for a benefit. I’m just choosing to handle mine in a different manner.
I could go on and on in the post about where I am right now or how I’m feeling but the real purpose of this post is to educate people in symptoms and signs of depression and anxiety and how to ask for help. I found a therapist provider that offers my insurance on the Psychology Today’s website. I liked her bio and what she said she believed in for treatment and I followed my gut instinct. I think I picked perfectly.
Many times you will see my posts on Facebook and think I’m speaking to you. Actually I post things that are meaningful to me and if I write them enough I will believe them and keep working toward my goals. I fall off the wagon. I struggle with eating and fitness. I struggle with relationships and my job. I am no different than anyone else. I just choose to present myself differently and focus on the positives and getting over hurdles. I never really understood the point of dwelling in the negative. Everyone has choices in their life. Sure, they have consequences but you have weigh them against what you really want. Sometimes you just have to realize what is important to you and live your life to the fullest. The only person living your life is you.
So, how do you go about finding a therapist? Start with your insurance company list of in-network providers. If you feel comfortable, ask around to friends, networks or colleagues. No one has to know you are looking for yourself. Do a web search and find their bio’s and descriptions of how they treat their patients. What is their methodology? Do you want someone that shares your religious beliefs?
When going to find a therapist, make sure you feel totally comfortable with them so you can get the most out of your treatment. You won’t get anywhere by forcing yourself to see someone you don’t connect with or that you don’t think can help you.
Find a support team to help you, even if that person is just there for you if you need to vent or discuss your ideas/thoughts. I like to go somewhere and be alone after my sessions. I take notes from them and then plan on how I can improve or make changes based on what we discussed in our session. There is no shame in needing help.
The bottom line is that everyone goes through crap. It’s how you handle that crap that makes you unique. Some people choose to wallow in their pain and try to make everyone else miserable with them. Some people choose to lock themselves in their house and isolate for a while. Some people choose to live on and rock on despite struggling and get the help they need. Just know that no matter where you are or what you are feeling, there is someone out there to help you – you just have to be ready and willing to ask.
The Bexa Boss Lady